


To Have Had a Merry Little Christmas

by suwufins



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:27:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27949040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suwufins/pseuds/suwufins
Summary: A tired Finland returns home and dozes off next to Sweden, who finds himself reminiscing about the Christmas that he confessed his feelings. Fluff ensues!
Relationships: Finland/Sweden (Hetalia)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	To Have Had a Merry Little Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> After rejoining the hetalia fandom after 7 years of absence I decided to try and start writing fanfiction. I rlly hope everyone enjoys uwu

The warm glow of the Christmas tree and the fresh scent of home made cookies made Sweden's home the most warm and loving place in the North. It was Christmas Eve, and while Finland was out fulfilling the Santa duties graciously bestowed upon him by America, Sweden stayed home and occupied Sealand and Ladonia. Their day consisted of poorly sung Christmas carols, haphazardly constructed snowmen, sloppy arts and crafts, and of course, warm sweet treaties for Santa. The boys were already softly snoozing when Fin returned home, greeted by a tired husband and a plate of cooling cookies. 

Fin had already changed back into a warm sweater and sweatpants before coming back into the house, on the offhand chance that the kids were awake and recognized him through the Santa outfit. Fin sighed in relief upon seeing a warm snack and threw himself down on the couch next to Swe. He reached for a cookie, leaned against Swe, and took a bite. "How was your day?" He asked, muffled by mouthful of cookie. "Was good," Swe gave him a soft smile, "We had fun. Glad yer home." Swe tugged a blanket down from the back of the couch and wrapped it around the two of them. Fin snuggled into the embrace, exhaustion already beginning to take over him. "Sorry I couldn't be here, but tomorrow will be a blast." The Finn yawned and nuzzled further into Swe's chest. "Best to get some rest now, the boys will be waking us up in a few hours." Although they both wished they could spend a bit more time together, they'd had a long day, and their night was already cut short on both ends. "Mm. Goodnight." Swe said, and Fin mumbled a gentle reply. 

Swe's chest swelled with love, and he glanced down at his slumbering Finn, who softly snoozed underneath his arm. As though he could sense the warm gaze, Fin lightly stirred and nuzzled deeper  
into Swe's chest, tucking the blanket over the lower half of his face, as though he was creating a nest for his nose. A smile tugged at Swe's lips as he was dragged back to a much, much, earlier time.

The memories flashed through his mind; vibrant hues in radiant images, the carol-like voice of his beloved echoing in his mind from times long gone. The same man he'd loved for centuries laid against him today, and although time had worn away at them both, they remained eternally etched into one another's hearts. They were much different now than the day they ran away together, but time could not wear away the carvings on each other's hearts. For a moment - just a moment - he allowed himself to relive the memories of a Christmas long gone. 

They had had a humble beginning. Their first year together was rough. Sweden had to work hard to gain Finland's trust, yet everything he tried seemed to intimidate him and push him further into a defensive state. All he could do was provide him with a warm home, food, and physical safety, and maybe.. maybe that would be enough. Maybe, he wouldn't have to say anything, and Finn would come to notice the lingering looks, the warm gestures, and the undying devotion. He'd been committed to the Finn long before they ran away together, and everything he did from that pivotal moment onward revolved around protecting him. He'd been enamored with him since they met under Denmark's rule, and it was this growing desire to secure him a better future - one that he could be a part of - that ultimately led him to stand up to their captor. 

They ran away in search of a better life, but Swe found himself in constant turmoil just to secure the bare minimum for the two of them. The fire of resentment that had been burning against his brother completely fractured their relationship, which would end up plaguing him for centuries to come. But he would fight, and he would win, and slowly, his Finn warmed up to him. As they built their own secure little kingdom, trust between them grew slowly but surely, though not as a result of open and honest communication. Every time Swe felt moved to speak, the intensity of his emotions seemed to paralyze him. Any words he wanted to say were lost in the choking sensation rising in his throat. He was nearly quite literally drowning in these feelings, and although his relationship with Finland had improved, it wasn't nearly what he wanted. Too often, his doting came off as unnerving, his desire to love and protect as controlling, and his affection as intimidation. He was fighting a losing battle - one in which he tried to sew seeds of love, trust, and security, yet nothing seemed to grow. 

Until, Christmas night.  
On their first Christmas together, they had a small feast. They ate mostly in a comfortable silence, with the occasional remark from Fin. When they had finished their meals, Fin rose from the table and offered to retrieve their dessert. Swe rose as well, and placed a hand on Finn's shoulder, guiding him back to the table. If he was going to do this, it had to be done before dessert. Otherwise, there would most certainly be vomiting involved. 

"There is something important we need to discuss first." Fin went rigid under his touch, and looked up at him with a concerned expression.  
"Alright. What is happening?" 

Swe stared blankly at him for a few moments longer, studying Fin's face in an attempt to discern the other's mood.  
"Hmm," he hummed, and pulled his chair closer to Fin's, so that they sat face to face. With an almost shaky hand, he adjusted his glasses and looked Fin square in the eyes.  
"I love you," he said simply, his gaze never faltering even as the color drained from Fin's face. As seconds that felt like hours passed between them, he could see Fin reconstruct every interaction from a different perspective. Every misconstrued action and every misunderstood statement now seemed to make sense to the Finn. While there was still a voice in the back of his head that screamed run - a thought that must be written across his face based on Swe's worried expression - Fin couldn't help but feel bad for the tension his misunderstandings had brewed. He must have looked more appalled than he felt - as Sweden's usually stoic gaze had softened into something much more sad, and almost panicked. 

Before Fin could say anything, Swe reached out and grabbed his hand.  
"Stay, okay? Please. I pr'mise I'll never hurt ya. And no one else will as long as I'm around." He squeezed Finland's hand and looked at him with an almost pleading expression. With only a few words, Fin had come to understand the Swede almost in his entirety. His feelings of fear and apprehension began to melt away into feelings closer to warmth and security. 

"Oh... Mr. Sweden.." he mumbled softly, trying to find the right words. Whatever he said, it wouldn't be what Sweden wanted to hear. He didn't love the Swede. Not yet. But he certainly could. Especially after having viewed the past year through a different lens, and seeing Swe's acts of affection and devotion clearly for what they were. 

Fin rose from his chair and pulled Swe into a big bear hug. "I'm not going to leave. Thank you for everything. I wish you had told me sooner, would have saved us both a bit of pain, huh?" He chuckled and gave Swe a reassuring squeeze. Swe remained tense under his touch for a moment or two, before relaxing and returning the hug with an enveloping embrace. They sat like this for a moment, Fin's mind still racing to catch up with his obliviousness, while his heart began to race with an unfamiliar warmth. 

After a minute, Fin pulled away and cleared his throat. "I'm not in the mood for dessert anymore. Let's warm up by the fire." Sweden obliged, and they made their way to the fireplace. They sat a decent amount of distance apart, and although Swe already missed their warm embrace, he did not want to push any sort of affection onto Fin. Not yet. He was just grateful for his company. 

"This is the warmest Christmas I've had in some time. Thank you, Mr. Swe." Fin said in earnest, though his inflection intentionally subtle. Unsure if he meant the physical warmth, or something more tender, Swe simply hummed in reply.

"Winters weren't always so cold around here.." he began, as he felt the sudden desire to speak more than he'd had in a long time. He told Fin of yuletide. Of big trees and crackling yule logs. Of fires, friends, feasts and festivities. Traditions he used to enjoy until his boss had given him new ones. Perhaps, he remarked, they could do these things together one day.

But Finland didn't hear, as he'd slowly began to drift away to the soothing rumble of Mr. Swe's voice. In his sleepy haze, he had come to rest his head against Swe's shoulder, and Swe responded by wrapping a blanket around the two of them and resting his head on top of Fin's, much like he had their very first frigid night together in his attempts to keep the freezing Finn from trembling.  
"Hmm," he mumbled, gazing down at his sleeping Finn. "Grateful for ya. Maybe someday. I hope you understand. I can't say more, too 'mbarassing." Moments after, he drifted away alongside him. 

\------- 

Swe's smile spread across his face as he remembered that night, the night he learned the value of expressing words that are too difficult to say. Maybe some day, he had said, hopeful, yet bleak. Yet somehow, here they were, many centuries later. It couldn't be any other way. And he had to let his now husband know. 

He had to do it. Although a small smile graced his husband's softened, sleeping face, he had to disturb him. He had to see those heart stopping eyes blink open and gaze up at him through the warm haze of sleep. He had to see that lopsided smile that held every stitch in the seam of his heart in place. He had to tell him that he loved him, that he had for centuries, that without him he couldn't be the man he was today, that he could never lose him again-- there was a word vomit brewing in his mind and he had to wake him up before the words washed away. "Mm. Fin." He said in a soft, yet stern tone. The man didn't stir, and so he tried again, supplementing his words with a ruffle of Fin's hair. This earned him a few incoherent mumbles, a nose twitch, and a small frown. "Fin. Wake up." He said, employing a harsher tone than before. 

With a gentle start, Fin awoke, and tilted his head up to rest his chin upon Swe's collarbone. "Auegh, Swe -- is it morning already?" Drowsy violet eyes gazed upwards, and Swe felt his breath hitch in his throat. The dreamy mood of the room - the soft Christmas music, the crackling of the fireplace, and the dim glowy lights of green and red - slowed to a stop around him. All Fin had to do was look at him to make his life feel like it has both ended and begun again. 

He didn't think he'd make it this far. "Dunno." He said simply, yet again unsure how to articulate his reason for waking his tired Finn. With a groan, Fin sat up and began fumbling around for his phone to check the time. "Whatdya mean you don't know, hun? Why would you wake me up unless it was Christmas morning?" The lack of response from his husband made Fin stop and turn back to face the man, who stared back at him with anticipation in his eyes. The weight of confusion and words left unsaid hung thick in the air, and Fin, who had become an expert at reading his husband's micro-expressions, softened his grumpy, muddled gaze. 

With one eyebrow raised, heavy from the call of sleepiness, Fin gave Swe a moment to calculate the exact words he was compelled to say. 

"No.. 'S not morning. Come here." Swe pulled him back into his arms and onto his chest, the blanket encasing them in a bundle of warmth once more. "Stay." He said, running his hand up and down across Finn's back, soothing him back into a sleepy state." 'M sorry. I just missed you." Still dazed and confused, and at the risk of drifting back to sleep at any moment, Fin glanced up at the other man with a muddled expression.

"I leave to deliver presents every year, Swe, and I've been here with you all night since I've come home. What're you talking about?" Swe furrowed his brow. The weight of his words were not translating. 

"No. Not that. Can't be without you." Fin let out a gentle sigh across his chest. "It was one day, Swe, I thought we've been feeling better about these sorts of things." Swe's brows furrowed deeper. This clearly wasn't going as planned. How could he say it in a way that Fin could understand? 

"No. 'S not that." He sighed. There really was no other way to phrase. Fin would either understand, or he wouldn't. "No, 'm fine. Just.. can't be without you." Now totally lost, Fin accepted the  
gentle words and replied with a hum, slowly fading back into sleep. The solid warmth of Swe was too intoxicating, and it always soothed him to sleep, even on some the most frightening nights of his life. As sleep took him over, he nuzzled into Swe once more, relishing in the comforting, sturdy warmth. 

Sweden's heart swelled, and at one last chance to articulate the heavy emotions struggling to come through, he spoke.

"That," Swe said suddenly. "Can't be without that. From day one." 

The sudden words pulled Fin back to consciousness, and he tilted his head back upwards towards his partner. "And that. Need you to look at me like that." A small smile spread across Fin's face,  
and surprisingly, Swe continued. "Since the first night. Always have. 'S always been you." He ran his fingers through Fin's soft, floofy hair and along the side of his face. Fin leaned into the touch, and Swe leaned down to place a gentle kiss on his lips.

"Love you. More than 'nything." He whispered. 

"Mm". hummed Fin, physically incapable of having this conversation any longer, "I love you too, Swe," he mumbled, finding himself in an abundantly blissful  
snooze once again. 

Swe sighed contently and pulled his sleeping Finn from his side to on top his lap, so that Finland's head gently fell into the crook of his neck. He nuzzled into Finn's soft golden hair, and felt his arms tighten around his waist. The radio clicked on for one final song, and the familiar tune of an American Christmas song filled the room. It was slow, and soothing, much like the gentle breeze of Fin's breaths across his neck, and the secure sensation of having all of finn's weight pressed against him. 

Face hidden in the finn's hair, sleep threatened to take him too, until an unmistakable line of the song caught his attention - 

"Here we are as in olden days.. happy golden days, of yore.." 

He let out a gentle chuckle. How perfect. Perhaps, if he'd waited only a few minutes longer to wake his beloved, he wouldn't had to struggle to find the words. 

But everything was alright. All that mattered was that his Finny knew that he was loved beyond words.

**Author's Note:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  
> if you get a chance pls let me know what you thought  
> maybe I will try writing more idk  
> ty for reading tho uwu


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